5

Procrastination

P – Putting off that piece of work by doing every menial task possible beforehand

R – Reading tweets instead of homework questions

O – Overeating on the entire contents of the biscuit cupboard

C – Checking Facebook. Again. And again. And one more time.

R – Reading more tweets

A – Asking when lunch is ready and deciding you can’t possibly start your work properly before you eat

S – Sighing about how much work you have before returning to the internet

T – Trying on different outfits and deciding what would look good next summer

I – Ironing. Because anything is better than doing work.

N – Nearly starting the work by picking it up and flicking through the pages before putting it back down again in exhaustion

A – Asking what time dinner is and deciding you’ll just have to have a packet of biscuits before then

T – Timing how long you’ve been avoiding homework and starting to panic before realising The Big Bang Theory is on

I – Instant coffee number 3

O – Ordering clothes you probably can’t afford online

N – Nightime. Sleep time.

 

8

Like this if you’re not lazy

facebook like button

Facebook. The Social Network. The place where you can message friends, like photos and wipe your moral conscience clean daily. Yes, more and more frequently, the admin behind those facebook pages you liked three years ago because you thought they were hilarious but actually now rather regret liking at all, are uploading pictures ranging from the mundane to quite distasteful, all titled ‘Like if…’. An example scenario would be a picture of a BN BN biscuit uploaded with the title, ‘Like if you remember these and are a true nineties kid’. Why is she getting her knickers in a twist when there are biscuits involved? I hear you ask. Well my friends, it’s not just pictures of biscuits that are being uploaded. It has reached the point where I could create a ‘like page’, upload a picture of some toilet roll and say ‘Like if you ever use this’, and get over a hundred likes. Seriously. In the last holiday off college, I was scrolling down my Facebook page and there was a picture of a dog in a thumbprint. The title of the picture was, ‘Like if you can see the dog’. How painfully boring does life have to be for liking a picture of a dog that is so mind-numbingly obviously there to be a fun way to pass the time? Go into Google and type in ‘Adopt a Llama’. You’d be amazed at how time flies as you choose your new companion.

My Facebook friends are not just liking pointless photos. They, and by they I mean girls, are liking photos of mushy, cringey quotes about relationships. If one or two of these photos appeared down my News Feed every so often, I would deal with the cringe and just keep on scrolling. Every so often is not the case. Instead, it’s every single time I log into my Facebook, and the quotes constantly use terrible grammar. ‘Their’ instead of ‘they’re’, ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’ and vice versa. Now, don’t get me wrong, we all have our nights where we scream the lyrics of ‘Come What May’ to pictures of Ewan McGregor whilst crying into our third tub of Ben and Jerry’s as we accept a future living with 27 cats we’ve knitted matching His and Hers outfits for – or maybe that’s just me – but never, ever stoop down to bad grammar. Even if you do want the perfect relationship the badly constructed quote describes. Buy a dictionary. Maybe the guy at the till will be super cute and nice, will like you back and slip his number into the inside of your dictionary cover all Carley Rae Jepson ‘Call Me Maybe’ style, and boom! no more need for knitting needles and feline friends. Or maybe the guy at the till will be a 45 year old woman who ate all the pies and looks like she wants to hit every human being over the head with the dictionary you’re buying. Maybe. But hey, you never know if you don’t get your booty out into the big wide world and look instead of sitting behind a computer screen and liking a million pictures about what you want from a relationship because an admin page told you to.

My next point is more serious. It is about my least favourite kind of ‘Like if…’ pictures. Pictures that are often titled ‘Like if you have respect’, but are quite frankly disrespectful and upsetting. Babies in incubators with wires coming out of them, disfigured army men, grandparents on their deathbeds. ‘Like if you want them to live’, ‘like if you respect this man’, ‘like if you want terminal illness to not exist’. I would never wish death on any baby, or any human being. I respect any man unless he gives me a strong reason not to. If I could, I would make terminal illnesses non existent. That doesn’t mean that everytime I log onto Facebook I want to see photos of distressing situations where there’s an option of clicking ‘like’ so that I can clear my conscience for the day. ‘Liking’ the photo won’t change the situation captured or make me a better human being. Just like ignoring it doesn’t make me a bad human being like the photo’s caption would suggest. People are suddenly being given the chance to feel as though they’ve done something good by ‘liking’ a picture. Maybe if every ‘like’ resulted in the uploader giving money to a charity directly helping people in a similar situation to the person in the picture, I could understand. But that doesn’t happen.

I would like to finish with the following thought. Generations above us constantly call us ‘the lazy generation’. Prove them wrong. Don’t be.

2

Careers? I haven’t even decided which KitKat Chunky flavour I like best.

Careers. The future. Scary words that have made me cringe and feel panicky for a long time. How the hell is a teenage girl who doesn’t know what she’s buying for her lunch supposed to know what she’s going to do with the rest of her life? She’s not.

With all the pressing questions a school/college/uni student gets about where they’re going next, it is so easy to get stressed out and overwhelmed by the prospect of having to immediately plan out their entire life. What students – and to be honest anybody – need to know is that “I don’t have a clue” is a perfectly acceptable answer. It’s how I’ve responded to career questions ever since I can remember being asked. You don’t know what you want to do with your life until one thing grabs you and you just have to pursue it. For some people, its playing an instrument, for others its teaching. Your friend might have known since she was at primary school whilst your other friend might not decide until she starts her third job and loves it. There is no deadline for deciding on your career. I would just like to add here that for medical students, I understand that to you my argument is flawed. However, if you’re struggling and worrying about where your life is going to go, focus on your talents and passions. For me its writing. It wasn’t until about a month ago that I suddenly thought “I have to write for the rest of my life”. I’ve certainly had a change of heart when it comes to careers many times, dabbling with the ideas of acting and being a psychologist, only realising now it was because I felt obliged to give a definite answer to any career questions thrown at me.

We had to decide on a profession area for our work experience placement, so I picked Media, still pretty clueless on the career front. I decided it was time for a meeting with the college careers advisor. Choosing English as my favourite subject led to looking at English degrees, then journalism as a potential career followed by English and Journalism joint honours degree. From this, starting a blog was suggested by my careers advisor to enhance my writing CV and experience. I’d never shared my writing before – except in my English class when we had to read out our work – and starting out on the blogging scene, I never expected such a wonderful response. Sharing my articles and short stories on Facebook and Twitter, I expected maybe two people to read each one. My most popular piece had more than fifty views on its first day of being published. People at college tell me how they’ve enjoyed my last entry. I’ve had a few inboxes from friends asking me what I think to their new blog and I’ve seen more blogs popping up. It really is amazing. Suddenly here I am, Khadija the clueless with a goal, a life ambition, all sparked from a little hobby of mine. I urge you to do the same. If you have a talent or a passion, get it out there. Maybe you’ll realise what you want to do for the rest of your life. You might even inspire somebody.

4

Don’t mention the S word…

Langton, North Yorkshire. Become a fan on face...

They say take a Dictionary to read to keep from going crazy in the North Pole. I need one after it snows in Huddersfield and make the mistake of logging on to Facebook...

On February 4th 2012, it snowed in Huddersfield. It also snowed on Facebook. Every other status mentioned the S word either to slag it off or praise it for finally arriving. Facebook really is the idyllic place for a person who is the epitome of lazy. Gone are the days where you have to switch on the tv or radio for the weather forecast. You don’t have to go and open the curtains anymore to see what the weather outside your house is doing. Oh no. Six hundred people will do it for you on Facebook whilst having a rant about how much they hate the snow. Funny that, last year when they had a day off school, they couldn’t have been happier to be sledging.

As if my News Feed isn’t filled with enough complaining, there are statuses moaning about people writing statuses to do with snow. I am always tempted to leave a comment of congratulation – “Well done. You just wrote a status about snow too.” Why when it snows do we become obssessed and feel the need to post about it? Sure, a couple of statuses are fine but for some reason, people don’t seem to have realised yet that writing the status “It’s snowing!” will be matched by at least forty others. If I wanted my Facebook to be taken over by a subject which I can experience for myself without every other Facebook friend giving me a second-by-second account, I would personally pay Simon Cowell to air a new series of The X Factor imminently.

Every year the white, cold blanket falls and I want to deactivate my Facebook account and cry into my sledge until the weather returns to the usual British story of grey skies. It is times like this when I most appreciate those individuals on Facebook who write statuses completely irrelevant to the generic weather report.

Holy cheesecake, I’ve just looked out of the window and its snowing! I must abandon this article and write a status informing all of my Facebook friends immediately! Maybe I’ll even upload a picture with the caption “It’s snowing”. How about no.